I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
Cause I never leave my heart open
It never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got the whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truly
But at the time it didn't mean a thing

My mind is gone
I'm spinning 'round
And deep inside
My tears all drown
I'm losing grip
What's happening
I stray from love
This is how I feel...

This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed
Cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more
I should have never let you hold me baby
Maybe why I'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give it to you on purpose
Can't figure out how you stole my heart

My mind is gone
I'm spinning 'round
And deep inside
My tears all drown
I'm losing grip
What's happening?
I stray from love
This is how I feel...

This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

How did I get hear with you
I'll never know
Never meant to let it get so personal
And after all I tried to do
To stay away from loving you
I'm broken hearted
I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry

This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
All my life

I see a boy crying;
He didn't get the toy he wanted. He's kicking up a fuss. He wants attention. He's wailing.

I see a student crying;
He's stressed over academics. He need a breather. He wants to take a break. He's crying.

I see a friend crying;
He's got into some relationship problems. He's feeling hurt. He does not knows why he's crying.

I see a lady crying;
Her loved one has passed away.. And she's grieving. She's feeling the pain. She's crying.

I see a team crying;
They've won the championships. They're jumping/squealing with delight. They're crying, tears of joy.

If, you can see.. (I'm not a sexist, you can change He to She)

Tears isnt so hard to come by;

When you are upset over things which don't go your way, when you feel like a tight rubber band being overstretched, when you're heartbroken, when you've lost something that matters a lot to you; EVEN when you're over-excited..

This world is filled with emotions. Be it joy, anger, grieve, or happiness, you would want to experience a beautiful one won't you?

Everyone needs to feel love, wants to be loved, or want to love. So probably, tears existed to make you learn. Maybe there is something you can do to salvage some bitter situation; maybe you should stop seeking for attention but spend time with those you know are even lonelier within; maybe you should hold onto someone you're thinking of letting go; maybe you should start knowing how important is it to treasure everything around you.

Otherwise, all there is going to be in the end, is hurt..

This in turn, will only make you cry further. So now think,
Is that beautiful to you?

Remember, 'You aren't who you are without the things which you love.' -Xinling

Because it only tears me apart..

Labels: makes sense

It was the Semi-finals. I didnt play. I sprained my ankle the day before. I walked past Eugene. He knew what had happened. It was the evening. And I was smsing Elize. I called mum, waited for her to be back wishing that she could bring me to the sinseh. 6pm zoomed to 8.50pm already so i asked sis if she could accompany me instead. She wanted to go bathe first so by 9pm, mum came home and cabbed me there. I felt so, so comforted. That night, Raymond & Daryl messaged wishing me luck. Alicia & Cihui asked if i was alright. Can play? I said I was. Can. Must. I said thanks for the luck i'll definitely try my best..

It was the next morning. Ouch... My bandaged ankle lifted on the pillow over the night was aching. I tried to step out of bed early that day. 'I have a game, i'm going to play..' I psycho-ed that into my head. One step, and another.. I limped to the bathroom. Getting ready to take on the day's challenges.

I asked Cahyo if she could buy me my breakfast. I felt like a cripple. I woke up early, before 6.30, hoping I could catch a cab before 7. So I left house a little past 6.50am, carrying my tumbler, shoebag, icebox, which shouldnt be hard by right.. Yet I was struggling. Because I needed support.

'Cahyo, i'm sorry but can you go down to the bus-stop with me?' I felt like such a weakling.

7am, i finally made it to the bus-stop. I took more than twice or thrice the time needed than usual to make it there. Furthermore It was raining so the cab fare was expensive. In 1 night and 1 morning, i've spent at least $50...

So I made my way to the canteen, where 4 people were there.. 'How's your ankle? Are you okay?' 'How are you going to play?'

'Yes,' the opposite, I thought. 'Playing..' It's hurting like f***.

Then.. Nothing happened. I felt transparent after. For the first time in my life i felt so alone while having people right beside me.. (Details are trying to be deleted from my memory so no further elaboration)

In class: 'Lee Ying, you're going to play!? How are you going to play? I dont think you should.'

Not only 1, but 2, but 9, & more of the same thing..

'No, it's my game, an important one...' Sorry JMs, I broke down. Thank you for your note Cherine, because.. I had been crying like mad.

It was going to be warm-up. *Spray spray spray, pray pray pray*

*Running ..* Thinking: 'Someone please break my leg' . Talking: 'Hold on' *go spray more*

Before the game.. To Xinling: 'I think I might not be able to play.'

Xinling: Then tell coach.

Coach: Then Jingying play GK, Louisa GD.

Team talk: One player down~

I sat. And cheered. Yet what was running through my head was, *Can I try?* No, I did not get a chance.

I dont see why i deserve the blame, because I can confidently say, as long as a team has a strong attack and treasures every single center pass and put the shot in, winning will never be a problem.

But.. I got unhappy faces over the next 2-3 days. And Elize, you were the only one who did not give up on me.

Labels: If this is what you call a blessing in disguise