Saturday, February 17, 2007
Number 7th in 1 year plus { 12:28 AM
I just knew I'd left someone out someday, somewhat. Exactly like what I've been thinking today. Fuck. I'm just angry.
I should've put in more effort. In the morning I shouldnt have been like, okay you're with your guy. Although it's your birthday but i should leave you both to lang man as it's valentines. If only I was able many many birthday songs for you. Give you a hug. Got you a cake the night before. We didnt have match. If we were efficient enough to change the plan of a crumpler.
You were there for me last year with your message. I really thank you for all the times with you since sec 1, i know there were rather a lot but of course the most memorable time was being at the stairs with Chun Kit. I'm so sorry, I was actually wishing somebody else their last happy birthday for the day. I've only been seeing you during morning breakfast and canteen, but recently I've been late. You were unwell today, and yup. Recess was all that I've seen you today. How I wish it could be easy to maintain relationships with everyone I knew, and how I wish I was still able to be in the same class as last year, so it could've been so much easier to keep in touch with all my friends. Every day can be Valentines, and everyday can be A Happy Birthday.
Alicia, Do have a safe trip to Japan soon! Have an enjoyable trip over there, and see you soon when you're back! (:
I realized that I havent seen Geraldine for the whole of today. Sigh. I've been really clumsy lately. Banging into a board while being so engrossed looking at somebody till my lips bled, fell while rushing for a train and missed it, squeezed chilli sauce all around the table, splurting chilli gravy onto my father while trying to break the crab shell & next dropping the crab on my uniform. I know all these are damn embarrasing but i'm just sharing the real me.
Svc was good yesterday evening. It was the first time this year I felt that I'm learning something much more relevant for myself. Managed to spend $100 yesterday. Thank you Ivan for shopping with me last night. I hope you liked the MOS Burger Meal. (:
Thank you Graci and Wen Jia for today, the talking, the piercing, the shopping and of course I'm thankful to you both who were willing to go with me to look for the stuff I wanted. I love the heels i've gotten with you Graci. Thank you. I gonna perfect it and kill my clumsy self. You know you made me realise something else about life today; Every single person has got their own issues, yet it just depends whether or not you want to bother about their issue.
Sometimes it feels good staring into space. Im glad we had slack lessons today. It was great that there was time to sleep after the test. I dont know if I was dreaming or thinking about so many stuff. About what can I do to make everything better. I'm actually trying to avoid myself from thinking, by doing stupid things like jumping around or doing the board with Eileen. (:
I have to admit I fear rejection. To the extent when you tell me any topic about my relationship, I get completely turned off. I dont want to think anymore. It had been 2 months. I am so afraid and tired of whatever that's happening. It's too wrong for me.
I have nothing to hide about my feelings. I dont mind being insensitive towards you people, cause sometimes I do it on purpose. For one of the thing I realized about life is being direct indirectly causes the meaning to be left behind more deeply unto the person. Thus they'll absorb the meaning more easily. Most people mind about what others think about them, dont they?
I've been home only around 10+ or 11+ after school these few days that the next people I'm neglecting are gonna be my family. I was actually glad Chinese New Year is coming where all relatives will get together and it'll be real fun and that's the real thing about kinship. But I realized that there are problems like broken relationships here and there within the family. So is this family-relationship-bonding-time valuable/appreciated?
Can you teach me how to handle everything around me? Is it that I'm not supposed to be concerned about all these actually? If that is the case there is nothing in life I should do nor bother about right? I came with nothing to this world but with a soul, therefore I dont need my soul and can leave the world without it even. I thought I'd just make it better for everyone else until I find a true love for my life and settle down. Actually I cant deny the fact that the test Mrs Goh gave us yesteday about DISCovering our Personality was interesting. Except that I find the deduction of our jobs were wrong. You know I really am just comforting myself everytime I just barely got an A for my tests.
Oh yes like what i've told you all, my mum says it's alright to have a party at my place! But I dont know what will come up anyway. And yay, i just found out that I get to do to my aunt's place for the New Year instead. Rather than they coming over. Life is good, during which issues are inevitable. ^^
我的感情线--爱到麻木，爱到失去了知觉
You can say anything you want to
No stress 'cause I understand you
We got a vibe you can't define
Want everyone know that boy is mine
We won't fight and stop and stare at the way you hold me
You take me there at times
I feel I lose control
Forget everyone but the hand I'm holding
You got that extraordinary way
Got to be next to ya every single day
You do something that I just can't explain
Wanna take the chance and tell you you're the one for me
Ooh, I love you so
Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
Yeah
Can you feel it
Ooh, I love you so
Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
I just want you to know
Please know this I'll always be right here
And you don't have to look
Nowhere else babe
Don't think for a minute
This love will change
Oh you should know that
